The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog Food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a
mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my
capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a 'good little hunter' I am. Evil People!!
Day 984 of my captivity.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 985 of my captivity.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing
to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now......
8 comments:
I've seen this before, but it's veeeerrry funny.
And has a lot of truth to it.
The only truth I know is that cats and dogs poop indiscriminately, and I refuse to harbor such indecency.
funny...good stuff! For Molly's Diary, you can add: Pee on floor, carpet or tile. Pee on mat over and over again, until it soaks thru mat into the carpet.
Day 986
Have been moved outside on the back porch, forced to sleep in the same level of confinement as the dog.
Repeated attempts to charge the back door leave me sprayed with water by my captors.
Rations are low--sometimes I can see the bottom of my food dish.
Constant threats against my life from the oldest captor. With my 'stairs technique' gone, I've decided I might throw myself into his spokes as he rides down the driveway.
Also, a new animal has entered my old habitation--unsure on what exactly it is, but certain I could destroy it.
On an endnote, the edge of the yard is unguarded, but I find myself too lazy to escape.
-Lucy
Wet my pants I laughed so hard.
Hilarious! Much fun. Needed a laugh today.
Carrie
Hey Bobbie,
This is Barb....how are you??? You can catche me at fivesons4barb.blogspot.com and if you are interested in quilting (I can help you) go to www.bejeweledquilt.blogspot.com. Rayleen said you wanted to learn to quilt....or catch me at fivesons4barb@yahoo.com I would loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove to hear from you.
Sherrie feels slightly responsible alas, she is still laughing.
Hey are Bryan & Bobbie going to be around for the holidays, because Brett and Sherrie would like to see Bryan & Bobbie.
-Brett
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